Excerpt from the Log of Xevan. Date, Lareth’dei the 12th of Wardingdawn, 1325 IR.
“… Orcs. Bloodyjaw Orcs. We’re never fucking rid of them are we? We came up on a pair of nobles and a Spiregarde Captain arguing. Evidently in his unit was that kid we saved from the Kolbolds, Tristan. Good kid, has potential. Broke ranks immediately to come say hello to us. I offered my help to the Knight-Captain, Lorenzo. The others could’ve stayed behind if they liked but I never will turn up a chance to kill Bloodyjaw Orcs. Apparently the Ebon Guard was supposed to respond to this, but “internal affairs” were keeping them back. I’ll pretend I know what that means. Either way the Spiral Knights got called on as a substitute. We had a short communications break down, mostly my fault as my thoughts were filled with green and red. The kid lead us in through the back and up to the guard tower when we arrived, probably their chieftain’s escape route considering he slipped out last time we crushed these orcs. We burst through the door, found a few Orcs and fire beetle… things and started killing, though Karme got dispelled and one got a lucky shot with a throwing axe though, that hurt like a bitch. The idiots were all wielding great axes but thankfully none seem to know how to use them, Awynn felt sorry enough for them to offer them lessons, I pointed out they’d likely forget within five minutes and try to eat the axes. The sound of something clambering up the steps drew our attention, at first I thought we’d be dealing with an ambush but Saph thankfully was the only one to show up. Apparently the Knight-Captain thought Tristan was taking too long, the kid obvious hasn’t had enough Commanders to know yes, they all will hate him on some level. Fight was rather anti-climatic then, until the Kid got a look at Saph’s “axe”. Note much of this entry will now have jokes about Saph’s “axe” as it is a very VERY nice “axe”. Awynn hid in a corner to piss off the axehole throwing shit at us, and hell if it didn’t work. The idiot came down and… well the rest of the fight was an uninteresting massacre where we kicked a lot of ass. Oh and Awynn found a Ruby in some dead guy’s boot.
A potion of Clairvoyance let Awynn see what was in the next room, sadly the Orcs heard us after she explained it and I boot my boot to the door before they could get in a better position to counter us. I immediately shoved the boiling cooking pot over and onto the Orc, burning the bastard to death. The kid managed to screw up the trapdoor the orcs had set up, like I said he has potential, and I made an Orc cry by calling it’s mother a whore. The rest of the fight was kinda blurry, but I was busy being badass. One orc got thrown into the fire pit, another two got their heads smashed off with my maul, and one died to my fire breath while the Orc mage found himself singed. I’m kind of a badass.
Finally though we found our target in the next room, the Orc Chieftain along with two berserkers and, more worryingly a dire wolf. Karme got dispelled again pretty early on in the fight, tenacious little pig though. More your mother jokes and I wound up pushing an Orc into the fireplace. Multiple times while trying to convince him to join us with promises of Snoo-snooing Awynn. Didn’t work and we eventually killed him of course. For the record, Tristan is a terrible shot, but the boy’ll get better eventually. Before long the mul showed up, Saph tripped over a bed and we got a great view of her “axe”, and the chief got killed. Not much to tell really, other than we’re badasses. On a completely unrelated note, dire wolf is good eatin’."